ThistleDew Farm

ThistleDew Farm
Established 2009

Friday, December 19, 2008

Advanced Warning - Santa Claustaphobia

'Twas the week after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
You never heard, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt

I said to myself, as only I can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
"Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie - not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore
But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!


DayPhoto said...



Susie said...

Okay, how funny! The sad thing is we will all probably feel this way in a few days! hehe

Mildred said...

You are too funny! I would read your post after finishing a Cadbury chocolate bar!

Amy said...

Hilarious!! I love it.

marmee said...

this was funny till i realized christmas is not over. i mean you could've waited for the guilt trip until everybody makes you feel that way on new year's. lol

TattingChic said...

Very cute! I love it! :) You are very clever.

Daisy said...

What a great poem! So funny! HA! Well, at least you are not alone. :D